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For years I've been trying to replace you,
trying to fill up the void,
the hole that was left by my leaving you.
Waiting by the sea, searching for that piece of you,
that scrap of skin that went with me.
For months I dreamt of forgetting you,
of wandering the world in spite of you.
I found my way to a hidden place,
where no one knew your thoughts or face,
I imagined myself safe.
We both know that's a lie,
built up to provide some sense of reality,
in this world of insanity.
For days I've wished myself hunting you,
swept up in the course of finding you.
Hoping I'll lose myself in the chase,
hoping you'll find some way to erase my memory.
For hours I've sat here in silence,
wracked with the need to confide in,
messages no one can understand,
words lost in the waves on the sand.
For minutes I've counted the seconds,
every one since you're not around,
not here to explain, to make sense of my brain,
not here to white out the sound.